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Domestic duties, who's responsibility is it?

Who does what in the household is always a question and discussion to have, and until you clear up this little household dilemma, there can be underlying friction, which can ultimately turn to resentment.

Of course, the first reaction is... not your responsibility, unless you want to be someone's mother.

However, there is always some room for negotiation. Firstly you need to consider what your skills, wants and needs are. If you are the one who likes to have things neat and tidy, then you better take the job of picking things up and give the removal of garbage to the other person. Here's a few questions to ask:

1. What are your dislikes around the home

2. What do you not like to do

3. What do you actually get pleasure from.

4. What can you live with

5. What can you not live with

If you can honestly answer these questions you are well on the way to achieving a workable arrangement that can keep both of you happy.

Can being apart work?

Falling in love with someone who lives far away, in another state or even country, can be challenging but it's not impossible. Planes, trains, phones and email can keep a long distanced relationship connected. This will be ok for a while, but sooner or later you will both need to live in the same location if you want to continue the relationship and take your union to the next level.

You can see each other for long weekends and holidays but that's just what it will be, a holiday romance, and you'll both be on your best behaviour each time you get together as you know your time is limited. You need to spend considerable time together to see if you are truly compatible.

Is it healthy to be dependent on someone?

Life is best when it is made up of dependent and independent moments.

Dependent: Firstly, to be dependent on someone shows you have trust, faith and respect of someone and on some level you feel safe that you are being looked after.

Independent: to be independent is a fabulous feeling, to be able to make your own decisions when you want to, or have your own money, your own interests, and be your own person.

If it's a relationship you are looking to have then both of these situations have flaws. To be too dependent can give away your personal power and you lose the essence of who you are. To be too independent is to not commit to having someone in your life and you may have a hesitancy to let them fully into your life.

What you want to strive for is a balance of two; on some level relationships should reflect integrity of equality for a healthy relationship to last the test of time.

Do all relationships need work

Relationships are all about support and challenge. If you're not constantly working on your relationship, loving and learning about each other, then you're simply not growing. If you're not growing, you're not building a closer bond with each other.

It's a myth that relationships are meant to be happiness ALL of the time. If you never had a difference of opinion you would never learn about each other. Compatibility in relationships is a necessary ingredient, but being too much like each other can leave nothing to explore.

100% happiness is for Cinderella!

Is your partner too independent?

Having a relationship that allows you to have some independence can be great as you can be an individual and do things in your life that you enjoy without always having to include your partner or gain their approval. You don't have to be attached at the hip with someone; it makes you a more interesting personal when you also have your own life apart from your partner.

An independent relationship can be good, but on the other hand you don't want to be in a relationship with someone is almost invisible in your life. Being in a relationship is all a about sharing your life together, so there needs to be a healthy balance of being together and apart for your partnership to work.

When it comes to children, are you on the same page?

Don't kid yourself, this is a big issue! If your partner definitely does not want the patter of little feet around, and you do want to have children, then it is a recipe for disappointment. Having children is a beautiful thing to share with the love of your life, and you want to make sure you both have the same values when it comes to wanting and also raising a family. If you are not on the same page in this area of life you really need to reconsider your future life together.

Do yourself a favor and find out how your partner feels about this area of life and if you are not thinking and feeling the same, it will be best to find someone who shares the same life values as you do.

How important is honesty in a relationship?

This is a lifelong debate.

Should you tell your partner exactly what you're thinking, all of the time, even if you feel it's going to hurt him or her. Think about this carefully because open honesty can be hurtful and it may damage a relationship or a potential relationship. There may be kinder ways to communicate other than be insensitive and blurt something straight out. If you want to make a point, find a diplomatic way to communicate your needs and desires to your partner.

Positive reinforcement about what they do right, rather than point out what they do wrong, is a more effective way to get your point across.

Is it time to move in?

Finally you and your partner have agreed to share your bedroom full time!

Great! Unless it's marriage you want, then maybe not so great. You've heard of the expression, why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free. Well this can be the case if you move in together. However, on the other hand it's a good way to get to know each other before you decide to walk down the aisle and say "I Do". Moving in is a huge commitment in itself, and can be a deal-maker or a deal-breaker, which in itself can be a positive thing.

Can you train your partner?

Every relationship requires some level of compromise and a type of training goes on with each other to allow a moulding of two people in a relationship to fit together perfectly. However, training comes with time, so don't expect miracles straight away, and how much someone compromises is totally up to them, so you may never be able to change someone to be what and how you want them to be. A blending of two people in a relationship happens over time as you teach each other what your personal boundaries are, and how to act and react together.

Molding into another person's life is not something that happens over night. Over time, each of you will let the other person what is acceptable behaviour and what isn't. People will compromise to the level they feel comfortable and not any further, so there is no point in pushing someone. At some point you will need to make a decision to accept the person you love for all of his or her traits, the good and the bad.

How to understand your love-partner

It would be easy if there was a relationship handbook that was suitable for everyone concerned, but life is not that simple, or is it? Here are a few tips to help you understand your partner.

1. Communication is talking, observing and listening. Don't be quick to get your point across. Sit back and listen to what the other person has to say, but really hear them; listen instead of thinking about what you are going to say next.

2. What your partner's body language and you can pick up how they really feel.

3. Read between the lines; sometimes it can be what people don't say that imparts the most information.

4. Is what they say really what they mean and is it what you heard? Repeat the question and answer, double-check that you understand, and then ask for clarification to make sure.

Finally, be prepared to agree to disagree. You are not always going to be on the same page, that's what makes you an individual. You don't have to always agree, but you do need to accept the other person's point of view.