New Tips And Triks For You

I slalom down the foot tunnel at Finsbury Park station. My goal: a new personal best. My enemies: my fellow commuters, blocking my way like Bowser in his big smoke spewing go-kart. The morning Tube is just another level in my new favourite game: London.

After living in Dublin for almost four years with only sporadic visits to my more familiar adopted home in London - I was born in the sleepy Partridge-approved land of Norfolk - coming back, the capital properly feels big. Sometimes too big; overwhelming. So I've invented the game to overcome it (p.s. you've just lost The Game).

I now look at London, particularly the Underground, as a set of levels in an endless game. I charge my Oyster Card up with money - points to play - and get myself power-ups (bottles of Diet Coke and the little pots of jelly they sell in the Telegraph HQ canteen).

Finsbury Park is one of my favourite levels. It's similar to Mario Kart and I play it each morning. Passing slow commuters earns me points. Dodging people handing out free magazines and religious literature means I don't lose any lives. Once I've actually made it onto the Tube itself, I play a balance game, trying to go for as long as possible without grabbing a hand rail (or one of my fellow travellers). There's also the 'seat power-up'. Get a seat on a rush-hour train and you receive points; give one up to a pregnant woman and you automatically level-up.

The Telegraph is another level. But, unlike the tube station's Mario Kart world, it is more of a point-and-click adventure like the Monkey Island. I have to interact with strange and unusual characters and collect items to achieve my challenges. Thankfully, it largely involves seeking approval from editors, rather than attempting to battle the undead pirate LeChuck.

^{Disclaimer: The Telegraph offices look nothing like this}

The city becomes so much better when you see it all as a game. The frustrations of the commute are just another level of difficulty. People at work who irritate you are non-player characters designed to bother you. Bad weather is merely part of the variety in the gaming environment. Food, drink, free newspapers - these are all power-ups and special items.

If you like the idea of turning the city into a game and don't want to make the (frankly cuckoo) leaps of imagination that I do, there is a solution. It's called Chromaroma and is a location-based game that uses your Oyster Card and Barclays Cycle Hire data to award points depending on your journeys on bikes, the Underground and London buses. It's like Top Trumps for your life and is mega-fun.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to battle the big boss of this level: Grumpy Coffee Shop Lady.