New Tips And Triks For You

Big Tips Texas what are you even? I thought watching tonight's episode that there was only one possible explanation for the insanity I was witnessing. I must have fallen asleep in front of the T.V. and dreamed it all up. But my DVR indicates otherwise. If you thought this week would be more of the same -- you were totally wrong.

Oh sure, the Morgan and Krysten feud continued on its merry way. I think if you've got a serious case of bitchy-resting-face like Morgan, you have to push feuds to the limit. She was jaw-droppingly mean to Krysten who just wants to make sure their boyfriends' bickering doesn't come between them. Too late, Krysten. Morgan sneers at her former besties's attempts to make nice, disses her (mocking her fake tan) and then dismisses her (and in so doing tries to coin a catchphrase which I will not dignify by reprinting here).

But their feud? Just the tip of the iceberg. In fact, by the close of the episode the girl fight was just about the most realistic thing taking place on this alleged "reality show". I know it's not exactly news that reality shows are finely crafted, honed and far from true to life -- but few are as outrageous in their fakery as what we all saw tonight.

First up, we have Amber, or as she is known when drunk, Sexy Kitty. Sexy Kitty met a boy. He was tall and had all his parts. They went to a Honky Tonk. Then he drove wasted and Amber had to call her best friend to bail her out of jail. She got into the car with her shirt on backwards. Her friend mewed concerned noises. Everything about the scene smelled like a rat. Or maybe that was just the lingering booze on Amber's breath.

But any and all doubts about the veracity of what I was witnessing were banished from my mind with the Mimi subplot. Remember last week how Mimi went on a date? Well that dude, Colton, is now her boyfriend. They are moving in together. Two dates later. And she doesn't feel well. Because SHE IS PREGNANT. Good lord this show moves faster than Scandal! In what could have easily been a PSA for not working at a titty bar, Mimi was caught bawling over a pregnancy test by her boss Typhani. And by bawling I mean making noises that a crying person might make. DARE ME TO CARE ABOUT YOU, SHOW. DARE YOU.