New Tips And Triks For You

Send your workplace conundrums to workologist@nytimes.com, including your name and contact information (even if you want it withheld for publication). The Workologist is a guy with well-intentioned opinions, not a professional career adviser. Letters may be edited.

My sister, who is 61, is constantly pressured by her boss to dye her hair, and even to get Botox, to achieve what her boss (who is also a woman) considers a more professional appearance.

In addition to being very good at her job, my sister is actually quite attractive and always impeccably put together. There is nothing unprofessional about her appearance, and the "flaws" that her boss perceives are simply natural signs of aging that, if anything, are less apparent in my sister than in most people. (She has only a few strands of gray hair.)

Her husband and I oppose these suggestions, because she neither wants nor needs them. So far, she hasn't given in. But I fear that she may eventually do so, because of the nagging and the insecurity that it causes her. Frankly, if it were my boss, I would tell her off. But since she is otherwise a good boss, my sister is hesitant to rock the boat. How would you advise her? ANONYMOUS

I agree that her boss's suggestions sound outrageous. It's one thing to have, say, a dress code. But Botox? The urge to lash out at this person is perfectly understandable.

Nevertheless, that would probably be a bad tactic for resolving the situation. It's at least plausible that your sister's boss means well. Perhaps to her, the intent is no more pushy than saying, "Hey, you'd look great in purple!" Or maybe that's being too generous. But I'll bet she has no idea that she's coming across as an aesthetic bully whose suggestions may be undermining a valued employee's self-esteem.

Some readers may wonder about the legal context here. While much obviously depends on specifics, I can offer some broad context, courtesy of James McDonald, a partner in Irvine, Calif., for the law firm Fisher & Phillips, which specializes in employment law, representing management.

Broadly, the law doesn't prohibit employers from making, say, hiring decisions based on attractiveness, Mr. McDonald said, and in situations involving public-facing employees (a TV weatherman, for instance), "this kind of request might not be so peculiar." But a manager encouraging changes in a worker's physical appearance without any business reason for doing so could risk a claim of harassment, he said. Or age discrimination could be contended if the employee is over 40, if the changes involve looking more youthful, and if the worker attributes subsequent setbacks to a refusal to comply.

That said, I suspect that bringing up possible legal ramifications isn't a good way to solve the problem. Rather, your sister could have a conversation with her boss, starting out by tactfully noting that she likes her job, and appreciates that her boss's intentions are positive.

But she could say that the drumbeat of comments about her appearance makes her uncomfortable, and that the subject is fundamentally a personal matter, not a professional one. I suspect that even if delivered gently, the message will come across loud and clear: Back off. If her boss values your sister as an employee, she will.

The Missing Degree

Recently, I applied for a position that, according to the job posting I spotted, requires a college degree. I did not apply by responding to that post, but instead submitted my résumé directly to the person in charge of hiring.

The truth is that I left college to take a dream job in the field in which I'm still working. Now I have more than 10 years of experience and was named "employee of the year" by my company last year. The application I filled out asked for education details; I listed my community college and the state school to which I transferred, but in the blank that asked for my degree I entered "N/A."

After two interviews, I have been verbally offered the job - we talked salary, benefits, everything. The degree issue never came up. But along with the offer came the news that human resources needs to perform a background check. Will the offer be rescinded if someone suddenly notices the degree situation? I refuse to lie about not finishing my schooling. What should my strategy be if it comes up? J.D.

My crystal ball is on the blink again, so I'm not sure whether the company will rescind the offer. But you've done nothing wrong, and your attitude is exactly right: You haven't deceived anybody, and your track record speaks for itself.

I can only speculate about this company's hiring procedures. But it's not unusual for there to be a gap between officially stated rules and the recruiting of top talent. So your strategy should be to stick with what you've done already. Be honest, and emphasize your genuine selling points. As a practical matter, it doesn't sound as if your lack of a degree should make any difference. (By the way, this is not a commentary on the idea of a college degree in general. The data suggest that the benefits are compelling.)

In any case, pointing out discrepancies between the job listing and the job offer is not your responsibility. What happens next is out of your hands.

It's possible that the company will become stuck on this issue, and that there will be another conversation. But you haven't lied, and you can point that out. While you may express whatever regrets you may feel about not getting your degree, and/or your intentions about completing it someday, you should quickly get back to the point that you would be an asset to this employer.

After all, the company has basically acknowledged as much by offering you a job. If that changes now, maybe this isn't a place you want to work after all.